Discovering the Best of New York: A Humorous Guide for Locals and Tourists
New York City is the concrete jungle where dreams are made of—at least according to a certain pop song. For both locals and tourists, the city offers an ever-changing array of attractions that might overwhelm even the most seasoned traveler. Fear not, for this guide will help you navigate the wonders of New York with a dash of humor and a sprinkle of local insight!
Central Park: Not Just for Squirrels and Joggers
Ah, Central Park, the green lung of New York City. Whether you want to escape from the honking taxis or simply watch nature tackling tourists in high heels, this 843-acre park is your one-stop-shop for serenity and entertainment. Planning a picnic? Avoid the overzealous squirrels—they’re experts at stealing your chips! And if you’re up for some people-watching, Sheep Meadow is where ambitious Instagram influencers come to capture the perfect post.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art: Stay Classy, New York
If your taste in art ranges from “I think my kid painted that” to “I really hope they don’t have skeletons in these closets,” then The Met is your go-to. On its never-ending list of paintings, sculptures, and antiquities, you’re certain to find something awe-inspiring. Pro tip: Pretend to look knowledgeable about the artwork and you might just fool someone into thinking you’re an art connoisseur. Heading there on a rainy afternoon can simultaneously boost your cultural awareness and keep your hair frizz-free.
Times Square: Bright Lights, Big Crowd
Times Square is dazzling, bustling, and sometimes, a little too bright for those who had one too many at the bars last night. Whether you’re a local who swears never to walk through it or a tourist that’s mesmerized by its chaos, this iconic intersection is a must-see at least once. Catch a Broadway show or stand in endless lines for discount theatre tickets—it’s a rite of passage for anyone in NYC.
Bars in New York: Where Everybody Knows Your Name—Or Not
New York is teeming with watering holes to wash down your troubles and raise a toast to… just about anything. Whether you’re a craft cocktail enthusiast or someone who nods approvingly at any liquid resembling a beverage, New York has you covered. Check out some of the best bars in New York to quench your thirst and perhaps make questionable life choices you can laugh about later.
The Statue of Liberty: Lady With a (Relatively) Small Torch
Ah, Lady Liberty—welcoming tourists and their myriad of selfies since 1886. A boat ride to Liberty Island is an experience that offers majestic views and possibly an impromptu history lesson from that one enthusiastic tourist you’ll invariably meet. Pro Tip: Put on your best sailor’s hat for a photo-op with this iconic symbol of freedom. Just don’t blame us if a seagull photobombs your shot.
Brooklyn Bridge: Walk It Off
If you haven’t walked over the Brooklyn Bridge whilst mentally auditioning for a Gap commercial, can you even call yourself a New Yorker? Whether you’re strolling for the exercise or taking part in the most scenic commute known to man, this historic bridge offers an unbeatable view of the Manhattan skyline with a gentle breeze to clear your thoughts—or mess up your hair, depending on the day.
Museum of Modern Art (MoMA): Because Ordinary is Overrated
For those who like their art with an edge—MoMA is the place to be. Filled with thought-provoking and occasionally perplexing installations, you may find yourself pondering what makes art, art. Go ahead, become one with the avant-garde. If your existential crisis begins to peak, it’s just a sign you’ve fully immersed yourself in modern art.